I’ve lost My Mind.
I started to have really bad anxiety. Then something blew up at work and I felt like I was having an Actual heart attack for a week, like I went to a doctor. Then Harrison got hand foot and mouth and I was home for 3 days with him and then over the weekend, and then Bennett got HFM and I was home for 3 days with him and he wasn’t sleeping. And then I got HFM and Bennett was still sick and home with me while I tried to work. Then Abe had to get one a plane to go visit his parents for Thanksgiving, which truly he needed to do. It has been a really terrible 3 or so weeks. I know that we will get through it, I can almost see the light… almost, it’s like a glimmer about 100 miles away.
Tonight, Harrison spent 95% of the evening in tears. From 4:30pm – 8:45pm, he argued with me and screamed and cried and sobbed and screamed and cried and got mad at me and threw stuff. I had to drag him up the stairs while holding Bennett in the other arm and dunk him into the tub where he sat and cried and then got mad at me when I shut off the water even though the tub was about to overflow. He got mad because tape sticks together, because I put spinach on his plate, because I wouldn’t take his dinner plate away when he wanted me to, because he wanted to watch Blippi, because I turned the TV off but then got mad again when I turned it back on, because he couldn’t get his headphones on, because he peed himself, because I wasn’t holding the book right, because Bennett touched him, because he wanted to walk up the stairs first but then refused to walk, because I wouldn’t pour him a “big juice”, because he wanted to take his pants off before his tub but only decided that once he was actually in the water, because he didn’t want to go to bed, because he didn’t want me to stand somewhere, etc. The list is actually much longer, but most of it just wouldn’t make sense. It was the worst evening we’ve had in about 5-6 weeks. I don’t even know.
I can’t wait to eat like 5 pieces of pie tomorrow. Sure, I have sores all over my tongue but I will just pretend I don’t and go wild on the desserts.
Holiday shopping has begun! I bought tiny chairs today at Pottery Barn Kids, and 1 Christmas gift. What should I be buying for myself? Where are the good / fun deals? I don’t even know what I want or need, but I’m sure that I’m missing out on something amazing. I wish I could buy sanity. I’m sure there is a pill, essential oil, or whatever for that.