This was my first week back from an extra long maternity leave, and being my second maternity leave it all went a lot smoother than before.
Day 1: Bennett went to my parents house and I brought Harrison to school. I worked out of the house and found 15 minutes to run on the treadmill. After my run, I wanted to puke – literally. It was such a horrible feeling. I’m listening to the Bulletproof podcasts and they’re super interesting. Day 1 – felt like I was nailing it, mainly because it was an easy day. Someone did try and get me to show up at a meeting though (??).
Day 2: This was the real deal. I woke up at 6am and got ready super fast for work, pumped, packed lunches and bottles and put 5 bags into the car. Then Harrison got up, and I got him ready and threw a bowl of cereal on his table. Bennett was next, and I got him up and threw him in his tub, tossed some kind of outfit on him, gave him a bottle and then we were out the door about 15 minutes later than I had aimed for. Both kids were in school by 8am, and then I sat in traffic for 1 hour and 40 minutes to get to work… sigh. However I was alone in the car with a coffee, it wasn’t soooo bad. Sitting at a desk in a space without kids wasn’t so bad either. Pickup went ok, I left work early, and got them both by 5. One person needs to make two trips in and out: bags then kids. Bennett apparently likes daycare, but will only take a bottle from 1 of the people there. Day 2: felt like I was trying to do it all and was not doing a good job of it.
Day 3: Harrison woke up at 6:35 and threw an epic toddler tantrum. He was screaming and crying at yelling at me. Then he peed his pants because he was too busy crying in the bathroom instead of sitting himself on the toilet. Not my proudest parenting moment but I yelled at him at least 3 times and I really don’t like to yell. “Harrison, you do NOT hit Mama” “Harrison, you do NOT yell at Mama, do NOT yell at me” “Harrison, STOP CRYING YOU ARE A BIG BOY!” You know, all the standard stuff that doesn’t really work. It did work though… he stopped. Anyhow, I packed their shit up, bathed Bennett, got everyone where they needed to be and then I got ready and went to a meeting. I threw something resembling dinner onto the stove during my last call and then picked up Bennett. Abe worked late, so then I put everyone to bed. Today went a lot less smoothly than I would have liked. I’m pretty sure that due to stress, I’m now only 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Day 3: Not nailing it.
I didn’t cry when I brought Bennett to school on the first day, and I don’t get sad thinking about the fact that someone else is taking care of my baby all day long. But I’m not as excited about being back to work as I thought. Like the first day, I was back at it like I never even left and I remember thinking a couple times that I really like my job. By Day 3, I was not having the warm fuzzies about working so much. I’m already feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin and you know what?… there’s nothing that can help that unless we get a maid and a cook and someone to do all our errands and someone to not forget to sign the kids up for gymnastics classes and someone to wake up in the middle of the night multiple times for both of them. These are all things that are hard to get done whether I’m at home with a baby or at work.
So I don’t really know, it’s been going Just OK. I think I expected to feel more sane to be back at work (I don’t), and more excited to see other people besides my kids (I don’t care it turns out), and happy to not have someone else with me at all times of the day (that part is nice). I guess I feel only a small amount of freedom instead of a large amount of freedom as I had expected, but like 2 kids isn’t 1 kid, life changed a lot with 2! 3 Days into my return to work and I would say that I am not feeling the satisfaction that I hoped for. Does that mean I want to stay home with my kids? Not really. Nobody appreciates me here. I think we need to figure out a more efficient way to get things done… I don’t know what that even means.