I Just Needed to Vent

We spend a lot of time commuting.  I usually tell people it takes around an hour, but that’s a bold face lie.  Really we leave the house at 6:45am to drop Mia off at daycare and then we need to circle all the way back to get on the road to work where we sit in traffic till around 8:15-8:20 when we arrive at Abe’s office and then I get on the subway and get to my work at 8:30-8:45.  I am in commuting mode for 2 hours.  Before we got Mia in daycare it was of course a much shorter commute, maybe even 25 minutes less time on the road but she needs it.  On the days that I sometimes take the commuter rail, I still need to drive 10 minutes to the train, then sit on the train for 1 hour, then get on the subway for 5-10 minutes, so that is still a process. 

During all this time spent in the car there’s a lot of time for thinking and for self reflection.  I think a lot about work and ongoing projects.  I think a lot about home improvements and steps we need to take to get all of our wish-list type stuff done.  These days I find myself mostly thinking about my relationships and about my dog’s manners.  Those are two totally different things but those are on my brain a lot.  While we’ve been at the new house for about a month now I’ve realized a couple things:

1. Doing anything after work in town during the week is close to impossible with only 1 car and Mia needing to be picked up at daycare / let out to pee.
2. Not doing anything after work means that friendships become much more difficult to maintain because on weekends we have a million house projects to work on.
3. I don’t really care all that much.

Life has gotten much more complicated these days and yet people still ask me about babies all the time.  We’ve having a super hard time dealing with our new house, commute, and dog… a baby is the absolute last thing that we need right now.  Each night we go to bed in a kind of exhaustion that we didn’t know existed.  Each day we look at our checking account with a kind of horror that I haven’t known since I was in college.  I can’t even lie and say that money isn’t really tight right now and that it’s not crushing our souls and dreams of ever going on a vacation again, or that the adjustment to the suburbs isn’t hard at all.  It’s tough, all of it and there’s really nothing that we could have done to prepare ourselves better for all of this.  There’s no in between with this shit, it’s all or nothing but that’s how we tend to live our lives.

Once we solve a few of our problems, I think that things will go more smoothly – Mia will get the training that she desperately needs, we’ll finish a few key rooms in the house, a second car will be added to alleviate some of the scheduling conflicts, and bonus season will pad our checking account again.  Sometimes it just feels really good to vent because as exciting as this is, it’s still all very overwhelming on a daily basis and because of that we tend to drink a lot more than we used to.  There are worse things in the world… like making out with a Kong and being caught on camera.

About Laura

Working mom trying to balance life and baby.
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One Response to I Just Needed to Vent

  1. natasha says:

    If there were like cannoli filling in that thing I'd make out with it too!

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