Unbalanced and Hungry

OK… there is like something wrong with me.  I really haven’t been feeling like myself in a very long time.  I want to say that I haven’t felt like myself in a year? That sounds like a ridiculously long time to have something feel “off”.  I’ve tried to figure out what is going on, but it’s really hard.  I seriously can’t figure it out, it feels like there is something biologically off as well as emotionally off.  More on that another day I suppose… since I don’t know what my problem is.

I was feeling especially emotional today – and let me say that I am the least emotional person on the planet.  I could fit the number of tears that I’ve shed in the past year into a thimble.  I could probably fit the number of tears I’ve shed in my life into a mini soda can.  Is it because I started taking the mini-pill this morning?  I know it’s hormone free and all, but who knows.  I actually stopped taking birth control pills entirely many years ago because they made me feel emotionally unstable and insane and also they made me sweat (wtf?).  Or maybe it’s because my toddler set me over the edge before I had a chance to even think about making a coffee bright and early this morning.  There was a literal screaming match in the kitchen… I just could not even handle it anymore.  He got a serious timeout, and because he was being such a turd he wouldn’t put on underwear so he was sitting on the kitchen floor without underwear on and screaming at me and air hitting me in his time out.  It was one of those memorable moments… which leads me to this idea.

I’m really really bad at keeping up with Bennett’s baby book.  I was so/so about keeping up with Harrison’s, and there are photos and dates on when he achieved certain milestones and whatever so maybe I did a Pretty good job.  I don’t really see them looking back at those things and even caring.  I’m not sure that I’d even care to look at them mainly because I keep a photo blog and there are just other ways of looking back for me I guess.  I’ve been tossing this idea around in my head for a while but didn’t think it would really work for me or my insane lifestyle, whatever though, it happened starting today.  I wrote each of the boys a card today with the date and how old they are, and just kept it pretty short just mentioning how they are doing, something funny they did this week, what challenges they are facing in life right at this moment, and whatever.  I’m going to try to do this as frequently as it makes sense, like when one of them does something amazing or especially funny and then I’ll just make sure to do 2 at once.  I’m far from being a softie, but I hope that they read these someday and think of me (in a nice way, not like : MY MOTHER IS EFFING CRAZY kind of way).

Also today, I went to whole foods and 50% of my cart was pastries.  Big beautiful decorated cupcakes, and fruit tarts, and stuff.  Nursing is making really hungry and I can’t be bothered to prepare healthy stuff beyond like hard boiled eggs and my very mediocre dinner spreads.  My coping mechanism is sugar right now and getting regular manicures… it could be a lot worse people.  Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do and offer no apologies.  Today has not been good.  This week has not been good.  Is it only Tuesday?  I wonder when the next flight out of here is?

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I See The Light

Friday at daycare pickup, Bennett’s teachers mentioned that I may want to consider sleep training for him at this age.  Since he just came out of his swaddle and wasn’t sleeping well anyhow, and hadn’t slept well all week long, I figured why not?  It couldn’t possibley get any worse.  Life was meant to be pain.  — that would be an example of the many thoughts I had on Friday.

So Friday night, I tucked in and prepared myself for a long night of crying crying crying.  I was just going to sleep on his floor.  But then there was a work thing that Abe had to do right at Harrison’s bed time so then I had two kids to deal with and one of them was screaming his face off (Harrison).  So then I just sat in Harrison’s room to keep him calm and Bennett nursed… and fell asleep.  I was like: shoot.  Later, I woke him up and got him in his sleep sack and burped him and then put him in his crib and then I stared at him… he rolled over, fussed for like 3 minutes, found his hand to chew on and went to sleep… on his own.  Then he slept until like 3 and woke up, nursed, and then went back down on his own… I was like: WTF is this?  WTF mind games is this kid playing?!  So then last night, I tucked in and got ready for a horrible night.  I put him down awake, and he rolled right over onto his stomach and fussed for like 5 minutes and then went to sleep… OMG.  He woke up a couple other times but after crying for just a few minutes was able to put himself back to sleep.  AND THEN today, I put him down this afternoon for a nap when he was really tired, and he did it again – he rolled over and went to sleep on his own… this kid is like totally fucking with me right?

Maybe for the past week or two, he was sleeping really poorly because he just wanted to sleep on his stomach.  He’s a stomach sleeper.

We sleep trained Harrison (super poorly and ineffectively) sometime around 6 months and I want to say that it’s his stubborn personality that makes his sleeping a disaster, but the longer you wait to sleep train the  harder it is.  So maybe I just got lucky with the timing and he was just ready to go to sleep on his own now that he can find his hand to suck on, roll over and push up.

IMG_3425One kid’s disaster sleeping is mostly solved… now for the other one, the much harder nut to crack.  I’m going to call the pediatrician tomorrow and ask for a recommendation for a sleep specialist around here or a behavioral person of some sort.  It really has gotten so bad that we just don’t know what to do anymore.  Each night is a little different, but it’s the same – he resists going to sleep and screams his head off to varying degrees.  The only way he will go to sleep is if one of us goes in and sits in his room.  Sometimes he wakes up multiple times in the night screaming for us where we need to intervene, sometimes he can makes it through the night without losing his shit.  Every night is bad enough that we could never get a babysitter to handle this at bedtime.  We need to do something.

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My Brain Isn’t Working

My beautiful little baby… or big baby I should say.  What a big fat cute nugget.  He’s really killing me at night right now though, even if he’s still adorable while doing it.  I look absolutely haggard.  I can’t remember when I showered last, I can’t remember when I slept for more than 1.5 hours at a time last, I am not sure what day is it… I’m eating cake for lunch.  I didn’t even cut the cake, I just took a plate of cake to my desk and ate it like a freaking bohemian!

He is 4 months.  According to The Wonder Weeks, he is in a dark place.  You can see his little head near Oct 3rd in the chart.

IMG_3317This lovely app. is telling me that he is going to be in a dark place for 2  more weeks before things get sunny again.  This stupid App.  I haven’t been following it closely until now and it’s right and that’s annoying because it doens’t give you tips on how to make it clear up faster or anything.

Also new this week: Bennett has pushed up during tummy time.

IMG_3276He struggled so much when he tried to do it before.  So that happened and he can only do it for like 1 minute before falling back down, but he’s getting there.  Then this morning he rolled over while swaddled onto his face in his crib.  Luckily, I saw it all on my monitor and got to him within a minute.  He didn’t seem to care though.  His head was raised up when I got to him and he was just quiet and content I guess.  So the swaddling needs to stop like today, and I am so mother effing tired that I am not sure if I will be able to handle it.  I mean he’s not sleeping anyhow, he’s up every 1.5 hours as it is, so I guess it won’t be a huge difference.  Tonight, I plan on camping out on his floor.  My effing back is so so so so sore and hurting anyhow that what’s one more discomfort?

When he came downstairs this morning, he then spent the next 30 minutes laying on the floor rolling over on to his tummy and then rolling back onto his back.  He’s pretty proud of his new found skills I think.

Life is so nuts right now.  Harrison and Bennett are both battling sleep issues, so the whole house is crazy at night.  I’m up to my eyeballs with work.  I was hoping to take a lunchtime nap, but then things got out of hand and then I forgot to pump and ate cake at my desk for lunch, and now I have a million other things to do including making dinner for the family.  And you know once I serve dinner, someone is going to have a problem with it.  Clearly today is another “no shower” day.  The person who invented dry shampoo must have been a mom on the run or someone who didn’t like to be clean.

Anyhow, we are in survival mode this week – or at least I am in survival mode this week.  I just got up like 5 times to get something and every single time I forgot what I had gotten up for.  Answer: an icy hot patch for my back.

Number of time-outs given: 3 to Harrison.  Number of items taken away: 2.  Everyone is in FINE form this week, omg.  Chill everyone, just chill.

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Toddler Puking and Parent Failing

Night three of toddler puking at bedtime.  Night Three people.  He gets so upset that within 5 minutes of one of us leaving the room he gets so mad that he throws up all over the place and we have to go in and change his bedding.  Is it that he gets so upset or is it that he just makes himself puke for the attention?  I’m actually not 100% sure.  I mean it happens so quickly so I feel that he makes himself do it.  He now owns 2 sets of comforters.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!  This can’t be normal. He has 4 stuffed animals in bed with him, he happens to love his bedding set covered in trucks and excavators, he enjoys his bedroom.  He’s not lacking for comfort and happiness in there.

We really don’t know what to do.  I mean, we can’t just leave him there with puke all over the place.  I know that he has major separation anxiety at bedtime.  And those are really the only two things about the situation that I’m positive about.  I tried bribing him with a lollipop to see if he could go all night without crying, that didn’t work.  He even woke up one morning crying about the lollipop that he wasn’t going to get.  I got him the cloud b glowing turtle to take to bed with him, which he super loves, but also doesn’t stop the madness in the least bit.  It’s really bad, and seriously like 4 weeks ago he was so so so so so good at sleeping in his big boy bed!!  Like he was suddenly a great sleeper, he’d go right down and sometimes sleep till almost 8.  Now he freaks out at bedtime when we try to leave the room, and then he wakes up and freaks out until one of us goes in there.  We’re talking like nuclear meltdowns, and he gets out of bed and tries to get out of his room and everything.

We’ve never claimed to be good parents.  In fact, we’re pretty mediocre at this whole parenting thing.  We disagree on how to handle his night waking in general, but now this makes things a bit more complex.  I mean, at such a young age it’s so crazy that he already knows how to manipulate us so much.  That’s really the scary part.  What does this even mean for our future?  Is he going to be running a drug ring out of our basement without us even knowing by the age of 12?  He will say he’s running a t-shirt business as his cover.  These are my real concerns.  Another concern = he will be living in my basement past the acceptable age of 21.

Parenting is hard.  I’ve found that my nature is to be really easy going BUT when it comes to certain kids that’s really not the best way.   I’m really learning that that hard way. Harrison needs more direction, he needs firmer boundaries and sometimes that’s really hard for us.  I’m now the mom that yells at her son to make him listen.  You know what?  Nothing that I have done with Harrison has worked as effectively.  Does that make me a terrible mother?  Honestly, I don’t really care what other people think, I know that it works when used very moderately for Harrison.  He’s generally so shocked that I’ve raised my voice to him that he snaps out of his bad behavior and a very short time later he’s my buddy again.  Whatever world.  Just Whatever.  I don’t enjoy it at all.

Back to the puking situation – what the heck do we do here?  If he’s using tactics like this now, what is next?  What happens once we solve this one?  Where the heck do we go from here?

Harrison with his tiny frog friend

Harrison with his teenie tiny frog friend

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The 4 Non-Sleepers

The most ridiculous reason my toddler was crying yesterday:  I was wearing a hoodie and he didn’t like it and wanted me to take it off.  2.7 is by far the worst age for Harrison so far.

This house is undergoing a really special piece of hell right now.  Harrison is being possessed each and every night.  What, you ask?  He screams like a maniac the second we leave his room and sometimes he can go to sleep on his own after that like after 5-10 minutes of insane screaming, but sometimes he pukes all over his bed while screaming and then we have to go in and change his bedding (two nights in a row of puking).  Then at 3am, he wakes screaming bloody murder again because he wants daddy to come sleep with him – major separation anxiety.  Clearly, this means he’s being possessed by some kind of demon or something right? There is just no other explanation.

The baby is such a gentle soul.  I just want to squeeze him all the time, but his sleep isn’t great right now either.  He is either going through 4 month sleep regression or teething.  I think it is teething though since he’s been sort of crabby/uncomfortable during the day too all while biting his fists.  When I feel his gums, I don’t feel or see anything…so I don’t know, I had a dream that he had a tooth though.  I tried baby Advil last night to try and see if his discomfort was physical, and he did sleep a lot better compared to the night before when he woke 9 times.

Mom and Dad:
Daddy was very close to a complete and total meltdown at 3am last night after being up for a couple hours with Harrison.  This morning he said to me (at like 6:30am when he left for work): I’m going now, and I’m not coming back!!  Obviously he was kidding, but I am sure he was contemplating 1000 different ways to run away and hide from this family.

My back has been aching so much that I haven’t been sleeping well anyhow, but I find that the more tired I am, the more my body just hurts which is like an endless cycle.  This morning I woke up with a huge zit too, like my first one in ages.  I’m super stressed because I’m having a hard time fitting in all my work when I have kids that aren’t sleeping well, and also I’m still having a hard time adjusting to being back at work full-time.

Things have been better around here…

Prior to this crazy sleep disturbance, I decided to start lessening the chemicals we have in the house – but only if I could find alternative products that worked just as well.  Funny that I started this and then my kids started acting INSANE!  First, I replaced Bennett’s daytime diapers with a more natural brand – from Pampers to Earth’s Best.  I’m still using Pampers Baby Dry at night, but I’m Ok with that because they do work well and I’m not about to change diapers at 2am if I don’t have to.  Then I switched from Pampers wipes to Seventh Generation, which worked out.  Then I tried using organic coconut oil as a moisturizer on my body, as in like stuff you buy in the cooking oil aisle in the grocery store.  I was using baby oil, and while that is probably decent, I wanted to try and get away from petroleum based products.  For me the result is that baby oil and coconut oil moisturize in the same way, goes on oily, moisturizes pretty well – lightly, and by evening I start to feel kind of dry again.  Then I replaced the laundry detergent from Tide Free and Gentle to Seventh Generation, and actually I think they both only work Moderately well so they’re like the same to me.  We still have a lot of chemical type stuff around here, like some of our cleaners, some of my makeup, and whatever.  It’s been an interesting go of it though.  Next up – trying essential oils mainly to see if that can help Harrison sleep.  I know, things are getting all sorts of hippie over here.  Hippie and Desperate and TIRED oh so tired.


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The Reality of it All

Working full time with 2 kids… is really fucking hard.  I don’t really know how else to say it.  It’s just the truth of it.

I’m trying to put a positive spin on everything, but when you are exhausted to the core and overwhelmed, it’s just about impossible.  Overall my thought: things are not going well at all.  Like, At All.  Even if the kids were sleeping better at night (one of them is always up too much), I still don’t think it would be going well.

I told myself that I would get through this until Jan. 1 and then I’d re-evaluate the situation and see what needs to happen.  I’ve been browsing jobs online, but the problem is that there really aren’t any work options here for me if I stay in the same field and I haven’t seen any full time work from home options.  I feel really stuck right now.  But again, I would still want to wait till the end of the year before making any drastic decisions or moves or whatever.  I just want to vent a little (or a lot).

Because I find myself at home more often, I decided to finally bite the bullet and find a new hair salon.  I love the stylist I’ve had for like 10 years but she recently relocated to a new salon and I didn’t like it at all and it was less convenient than before.  I had really huge doubts that I could get a good haircut out here in the middle of nowhere, and I don’t know why I thought that.  It’s obviously a huge blanket statement to say that hair stylists here are not as good as on Newbury Street.  Anyhow, I went to a new salon and got my hair cut and I’d give it a solid B.  She was nice, it was pleasant, the salon was OK  I kind of wish she had stopped cutting to ask how I felt about things as she went, but whatever, she didn’t but it was fine.  The only part about my haircut that I didn’t like is that I wish she hadn’t messed with my bangs, oh well whatever though.  I think I’m just really picky about how I like my bangs to be.  Then they rang me up…. and it was $40.  4-0.  I’ve been paying $80 for my haircuts and that was discounted pricing, like I was still getting a sorority discount from a million years ago.  A solid B haircut for $40 and I was able to make the appointment pretty easily and it was only 5 miles away.  SOLD.  It’s super funny that right now my husband gets a far more expensive haircut on Newbury and I’m the one that has taken a step down to a 4-0 haircut in a mini-mall next to a Market Basket and a Panera… my soccer mom transformation is starting today.  I probably shouldn’t even mention that I bought jeans at Old Navy recently and when I put them on yesterday for the first time after washing them, my immediate reaction was: why are these so high?  Total mom jeans to match my mom haircut.  WHY LIFE?!  Just Why?

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The Bald Spot

OK… Major Problem Up In Here.  I’m balding.  Like my hair line has thinned and moved back by well over an inch and there is a majorly balding spot right in the front of my part area due to postpartum hair loss.  I had some hair loss with Harrison but this is taking it to a new level.


I should be frowning.  Also I am pumping for this selfie at 6:15am… totally normal behavior.

I grew my bangs out a couple years ago just because I thought life would be easier without them – It totally is.  I don’t really think about what I look like before I leave the house on the weekends, and with bangs you at least have to look in the mirror to see which direction they are pointing in.  Sometimes you have to do a quick wet and blow dry to make them less insane looking, which is Not really great when you have small kids at home because they don’t give you even 30 seconds to do things like hair.  And WIND, omg the stupid wind when you have bangs! However, all that being said, I never really felt comfortable without bangs which I had the majority of my life.  I felt kind of naked, and kind of just not like my cool self.  I’m just kidding, I’m not cool.

Once I took a good look at this balding spot on my head this morning before a meeting, I did what any totally not-sane and not-rational person might do.  I watched a bunch of YouTube videos (mostly with Asian girls) on how to cut side swept bangs in and took out a pair of scissors and just like did it.  It could have been done better, but I wanted it done ASAP.  They just need to grow out a tiny bit and I can make small adjustments.


Oh it’s Me!

I need to sort of retrain my bangs on how to hang and whatever, but I actually feel a lot better already.  I think my fiercely heart shaped face really needs bangs to soften things.  I mean who really prefers the heart shaped face of Reese Witherspoon without bangs??  Nobody.  Just Nobody.

Back to life with styling products and a hair dryer.

Soooo – What do I do about the balding??  I’m still taking prenatal vitamins which contains 100% of my biotin needs.  What else can I do?  I saw some really really awful photos online of other girls who have truly bald patches on their heads.  I hope it doesn’t come to that.  I don’t really have a job where I can cover that shit up for a meeting with a client, like I’d be sitting there in a suit and with like a giant flower clip on my head to cover a skin patch?  No… just no.  They’d be like: you there, just stop it and get out.

Today, while I was googling local hair salons… I was on the side of a main road crammed and sitting on the floor of the back seat of my CRV with my pump plugged into batteries and I was pumping while thinking – Why is this God Damn back seat so EFFING small?!  I tried to sit in the middle back seat, but both car seats made it impossible.  I don’t think you could fit a 5 year old child in that middle area with both seats taking up so much space.  Pumping with a battery source was a first though, and I’m glad it worked and that I wasn’t exposed.

Here’s to having a better hair day tomorrow.

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Back to Work, Back to Needing to Look Somewhat Presentable

This was my first week back from an extra long maternity leave, and being my second maternity leave it all went a lot smoother than before.

Day 1: Bennett went to my parents house and I brought Harrison to school.  I worked out of the house and found 15 minutes to run on the treadmill.  After my run, I wanted to puke – literally.  It was such a horrible feeling.  I’m listening to the Bulletproof podcasts and they’re super interesting.  Day 1 – felt like I was nailing it, mainly because it was an easy day.  Someone did try and get me to show up at a meeting though (??).

Day 2: This was the real deal.  I woke up at 6am and got ready super fast for work, pumped, packed lunches and bottles and put 5 bags into the car.  Then Harrison got up, and I got him ready and threw a bowl of cereal on his table.  Bennett was next, and I got him up and threw him in his tub, tossed some kind of outfit on him, gave him a bottle and then we were out the door about 15 minutes later than I had aimed for.  Both kids were in school by 8am, and then I sat in traffic for 1 hour and 40 minutes to get to work… sigh.  However I was alone in the car with a coffee, it wasn’t soooo bad.  Sitting at a desk in a space without kids wasn’t so bad either.  Pickup went ok, I left work early, and got them both by 5.  One person needs to make two trips in and out: bags then kids.  Bennett apparently likes daycare, but will only take a bottle from 1 of the people there.  Day 2: felt like I was trying to do it all and was not doing a good job of it.

Day 3: Harrison woke up at 6:35 and threw an epic toddler tantrum.  He was screaming and crying at yelling at me.  Then he peed his pants because he was too busy crying in the bathroom instead of sitting himself on the toilet.  Not my proudest parenting moment but I yelled at him at least 3 times and I really don’t like to yell.  “Harrison, you do NOT hit Mama”  “Harrison, you do NOT yell at Mama, do NOT yell at me”  “Harrison, STOP CRYING YOU ARE A BIG BOY!”  You know, all the standard stuff that doesn’t really work.  It did work though… he stopped.  Anyhow, I packed their shit up, bathed Bennett, got everyone where they needed to be and then I got ready and went to a meeting.  I threw something resembling dinner onto the stove during my last call and then picked up Bennett.  Abe worked late, so then I put everyone to bed.  Today went a lot less smoothly than I would have liked.  I’m pretty sure that due to stress, I’m now only 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Day 3: Not nailing it.

I didn’t cry when I brought Bennett to school on the first day, and I don’t get sad thinking about the fact that someone else is taking care of my baby all day long.  But I’m not as excited about being back to work as I thought.  Like the first day, I was back at it like I never even left and I remember thinking a couple times that I really like my job.  By Day 3, I was not having the warm fuzzies about working so much.  I’m already feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin and you know what?… there’s nothing that can help that unless we get a maid and a cook and someone to do all our errands and someone to not forget to sign the kids up for gymnastics classes and someone to wake up in the middle of the night multiple times for both of them.  These are all things that are hard to get done whether I’m at home with a baby or at work.

So I don’t really know, it’s been going Just OK.  I think I expected to feel more sane to be back at work (I don’t), and more excited to see other people besides my kids (I don’t care it turns out), and happy to not have someone else with me at all times of the day (that part is nice).  I guess I feel only a small amount of freedom instead of a large amount of freedom as I had expected, but like 2 kids isn’t 1 kid, life changed a lot with 2!  3 Days into my return to work and I would say that I am not feeling the satisfaction that I hoped for.  Does that mean I want to stay home with my kids?  Not really.  Nobody appreciates me here.  I think we need to figure out a more efficient way to get things done… I don’t know what that even means.

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Why Do Kids Hate to Sleep, and Other Questions

Why are our kids trying to kill us?  This is a serious question.

For the entire week, our toddler Harrison has been waking up at 2 or 3am screaming bloody murder and will not go back to sleep unless daddy goes in there and lays down with him in his big boy bed. Will he stop crying and screaming if Mommy goes in there?  No, no he will not.  This is becoming a serious problem.

Also this week, baby Bennett moved into his own room and crib and has been waking up nonstop. I don’t think that it’s because he changed rooms because he started the constant waking  a couple nights before he made the move.  He used to wake only 2 x per night, and now he is waking every 1.5 hours or less.  The past two nights I’ve slept on his floor, on his hardwood floor people, because I was so sick of walking back and forth between rooms.

We are so sleep deprived that forming sentences is hard.  I’m not entirely sure of anything I may have said or done recently.  I am having a really hard time thinking of words.  To make things worse, this morning one of Harrison’s new fishies died and he is the one that pointed it out to me.  Not only was there a dead fish caught on the filter, but there was a gigantic moth dead and stuck in the filter too.  I was like: oh no… they are stuckies!  And then he kept asking me why the fishy was stuckies.  Answer: because it was a really stupid fish… when he left for the day I had to get the dead things out of there without a fish net (I had to use a little Dixie cup) and it just reminded me why I didn’t want these stupid pets here to begin with.  Idiot Fish. IDIOT FISH TANK!

After dinner tonight, Harrison hit Bennett for the first time.  I was nursing Bennett and I said something that Harrison didn’t like – I can’t even remember what it was.  Like maybe he wanted me to go into the office with him to look for monsters and I said not yet or something, who knows, and he hit the boppy and then he hit Bennett on the leg.  Neither hits were hard, but that’s not the point.  He was mad at me but hit Bennett for some reason.  Hopefully it’s just a one off moment.  I immediately was like: HARRISON, WE DO NOT HIT BENNETT!  It wasn’t yelling, but it was Super Firm.  There were instant tears and 15 minutes of crying for daddy.  He’s like so emotional right now, it’s driving me insane.  The sound of his crying is like a knife through my brain.  I eventually got him to kiss Bennett and he was fine again.

We were starting to get really stressed about Bennett’s out of control eczema, like we were thinking about finding yet another doctor – or Abe was thinking about finding another one.  I just called the dermatologist and told him the treatment was not even making a dent, so he just got us something stronger and literally 2 days later he went from zombie baby to normal fat baby.  But seriously, how bad was that?  He had to wear mittens so he wouldn’t scratch his eyes out.


Zombie Baby


Not Zombie Baby

To make life even more interesting, we have family coming into town on Saturday and this house is a D-U-M-P.  Instead of trying to clean up what we have going here, I finished the nursery, laid down a new rug in Harrison’s room, hung a huge new print in the office, and put together a designated shelf area for daycare and diaper bags which displaced a whole bunch of other useless stuff.  All of that actually contributed to a bigger mess.

We realized recently that life right now is one step forward and 2 steps backwards each and every day.  Is that depressing?  Sort of… I guess that’s a whole other post.  Outlooks also change quickly based on the amount of sleep we’ve gotten, so here’s to a decent (or even slightly improved) night of sleep.

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Potty Training – Maybe Not So Scary?

Potty Training… I’ve heard this is most people’s least favorite period of parenting.  I’ve also heard a lot of really nightmare-ish stories like: my son was running away with poops falling out of his underpants, etc.  At 2.7 I really felt like Harrison was ready.  He would often tell me he pooped and needed a new diaper, and he would go on the potty frequently just not every time.

I read 2 MEHHH books and was given 1 handout from Harrison’s school on this.  I sort of did my own method based on how Harrison was reacting.

The Preparations:

A few days before we started, I’d mention how we were going to say goodbye to diapers this week and start wearing big boy underpants like daddy does and mommy does and nana does and papa does and anyone who is an adult.  Harrison loves being a big boy, so this really resonated with him.

I laid down water proof pads on the couches and rolled up the area rug in the family room.

I got protectors for his car seats and put them on there a couple of months ago so he’d get used to them being there.

I got a bunch of Good Nights for his bed.  The plan was to layer a Good Nights with a fitted sheet x 3, so I could peel off a sheet and pad and there would be a fresh one underneath when needed.

Fluids began to become limited, but H drinks way way way more than any other child on this planet.  He has a habit of asking for more juice the second he finishes one, and the pounds it and asks for more again, etc.

I bought like 25 pairs of underpants in various styles.  More is better and he was a bit small for all of them anyhow.  I also bought a Potette which is a travel potty / potty seat for toddlers.

The Process:

Thursday – Harrison stayed home from school.  I explained that he could pick out a pair of underpants to wear and we were going to throw out all of his diapers – he wore only a shirt and underwear, no pants.  He would get 1 special treat for sitting on the potty and trying to go and 2 special treats for a pee (I had a special container of various gummies, chocolate, and mini marshmallows.  The mini marshmallows were the clear favorite)  He threw out the diapers and then he proceeded to have 5 pee accidents in the span of like 45 minutes.  So all those books that said to remind your child to pee every 30 minutes, well that did not work.  He’d just be like: “Momma, I peed.” and he’d point to his puddle.  I would ask him a lot if he had to use the potty, but almost every time he would say no but it was a good reminder because sometimes a few minutes later he’d say he had to go.  After that initial pee parade, he did great all day until 1pm and then had a pee accident.  I put down a good night disposable pee pad under his fitted sheet and let him take his nap without a diaper. He made it through the 1.5 hour nap and was good for the rest of the day.  Night time came, and I was uncertain as to what I’d want to do here but after seeing him all day it became clear that he needed a lot more practice with pulling his pants up and down himself.  I didn’t think he’d be able to do it on his own, and he also refused to use a little toilet anywhere but in the bathroom so I couldn’t put a little potty in his room like the world suggested.  I probably could have pushed night time potty training, but felt that we’d be setting him up for failure for a long time like many weeks and that didn’t feel very good.  I put on his night time diaper and told him that he should try not to pee pee until the morning.

Friday – His diaper was noticeably much smaller than usual when he got up.  I let him pick out a pair of underwear and explained everything again.  He then had 3 pee accidents in a span of 45 minutes.  I think he just kept forgetting he wasn’t wearing a diaper.  He was Ok after that.  I would ask him if he had to potty like a lot, but most of the time he’d just say he had to go potty and start walking over to the bathroom.  He even pooped in the potty for the first time during the process.  It was a super super gross one and I dry heaved.  Then my dad came over to hang out with Harrison and help, unfortunately it turned into no help at all.  The only accident he had for the rest of the day was because Harrison didn’t want papa to help him, and papa was on his phone anyhow just standing there and not helping him, and I was holding a sleeping baby, and it was a total disaster.  Harrison ended up wetting himself in the bathroom standing next to the potty holding a tape measurer and my dad is still like on the phone with his brother being like “hey steve can you hang in there for a minute.”  I almost started screaming at everyone but decided that it would only upset Harrison, so I cleaned it all up and for the rest of the day I helped him and papa held the baby.  Again, he made it through a nap in his bed.  This one was 2 hours!  I tried to wake him up because it started really late due to a plumber coming by, but he didn’t want to get up.  That night, we used a night time diaper again.

Saturday – No accidents in the morning.  He was doing good so he went in the car with daddy to pick up dry cleaning, so a very short errand – about 15 minutes.  He did a #2 in the potty as well.  He made it through nap time, another almost 2 hour nap.  Then for some reason after bath and everything he was sitting on the couch and peed.  Maybe he was just like so into the movie we were watching or he just like forgot, but he peed not in the potty and that was his only accident of the day.

Sunday – No accidents in the morning.  In the afternoon, he had a few accidents.  Most of them were because he was on his way to the potty but didn’t get his underwear down in time.  One of them was because he peed in his underwear but then realized it and ran to the potty.  These sorts of things I think are Ok, he just gets distracted so easily so he needs to learn to get to the potty faster instead of waiting until the last second.  He made it through his almost 2 hour nap and  before bed he did a #2 in the potty.

Today, I sent him to school in underwear and explained to the teachers how he was doing at home.  I also sent 5 spare pairs of underwear and pants!  He’s their problem now : )

I know it’s an ongoing process, but I think that a good base has been laid down and he is doing extremely well – better than expected considering he loves his juice.  Now we just need to get him to consistently have less accidents this week and maybe by the weekend we can try to leave the house for more than 15 minutes, and I seriously hope so because I almost went insane all cooped up.

No More Diapers!

No More Diapers!

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