Remedial Parenting

Imagine this – a toddler laying on the floor having his diaper changed by his dad, and you look down and notice there is a poop sitting on the ground.  An actual poop.  AHH!  Burn everything in the house!  Run Away!  But really, that is the kind of stuff that happens in my house.  We are happy to give really insightful parenting classes.  We might as well open one of those like parenting hubs, we’ll call it “How To Do Things Almost The Right Way” or “How To Just Barely Keep Your Kids Alive” or “Just Getting By”.

Yesterday, little H took a header off the couch – Yet Again.  He was driving around one of his little bulldozers or something on the couch and the cushion was hanging off the edge more than it should have been so he got near the edge and then fell right off and landed on his mouth.  Like his face hit the hardwood floor directly and I was shocked that all of his teeth were intact.  I wasn’t too far from him but I was holding the baby so I couldn’t do anything but watch it happen.  He hits something on his head/face like once a week.  In fact, he still has a bruise on his forehead from hitting his head on a bar stool in the kitchen last week.  Double parenting fail.

harrison in truck helmet

His new bike helmet (with trucks on the sides obviously) – or really what he should be wearing at all times

The other night, I was in the bedroom at like 11:30pm trying to get baby B to become sleepy so I could get some effing sleep.  He was laying on the boppy and then suddenly out of nowhere, he projectile vomited – like a fountain straight up several inches and then right back down all over him, the boppy, and me.  I had to peel off my clothes to change while vomit dripped off of me.  I haven’t had time to wash that boppy cover yet…

It’s been 3 nights in a row of bedtime past 12:00am for baby B.  That’s like so late for me.  last week he was going to bed for the night before 11pm which is much more reasonable.  I want to die, and he’s really a good baby but he’s really not yet learned that mom likes to sleep at night.  Sometimes when I’m sitting there with him and he’s like either nursing or not sleeping on me or groaning with gas pain, I escape for a moment and remember what it’s like to sleep in a bed horizontally with a pillow and a blanket and a spouse and with the lights totally off. When I’m not half asleep, I think about vacations to all inclusive resorts and drinks garnished with umbrellas.  I’m just kidding, I really just think about a car with a trunk big enough to handle a stroller and groceries at the same time.

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Newborns and Not Laying Flat and Postpartum at 4 Weeks

In an interesting turn of events, little H slept through the night two days in a row and baby B was the more difficult one.

For H, we turned off the TV at 7 and turned on music and just played and at 8:30 we asked him who he wanted to put him to read his stories.  He chose me twice (it was weird, he never chooses me over daddy) and we went upstairs and he did his routine super easily and then I put him in his crib and he started to get weepy.  I tried to quickly explain that everyone is going to bed, and we would play in the morning.  He cried moderately for about 10 minutes and then slept through till 6:45am so this is worlds better than previously – but maybe he was just like extra tired.

With baby B, I really wanted to try and transition him to his cosleeper instead of his beloved rocker so that he could get used to laying flat.  He has refused to lay flat ever since the day he came home at four days old for some reason.  He was flat in the hospital obviously, but for some reason he absolutely refuses to lay flat here at home.  I tried swaddling him tightly, loosely, putting him down awake, putting him down almost asleep, putting him down fully asleep, no swaddle, velcro swaddle, blanket swaddle, etc.  No matter what I did, he’d immediately start fussing and then full-out crying.  I went through these motions for about 2.5 hours and then I was like: seriously EFF this, and then put him down sleepy but awake in his rocker and then 2 minutes later he was asleep.  OK… so 1 thing is good here: he’s able to put himself to sleep if I put him down just sleepy and not fully asleep.  That’s something that we battled with H for a long long time.  I still can’t understand why he won’t sleep flat on his back though, it’s really annoying, and this will be a habit we’ll have to break in the future.  Is it reflux or just preference?  It’s bothering me that I can’t figure it out.

To try and ease this issue, I’m going to try and spend more time flat on his back during the day.  Maybe put his pack and play in the family room or something similar and have him spend some time in there during the day.  He will lay flat in his baby gym but not more than 5 minutes before fussing and then freaking out.  We tried just laying flat together on the floor to practice and he was like: No Momma, Just No.  Yet another tiny human in this house that doesn’t want to listen to his mom.  Is this not laying flat thing normal?  It seems like google says it’s pretty normal but really is it?

Bennett and Momma (1)My brother is getting married in 3 weeks.  I ordered a couple dresses from Anthropologie (two different sizes of the same dress) but it was super unflattering on me so I will return them.  The general idea of buying a dress to wear at an event postpartum is totally beyond me… like how do you even dress for that?  I’m obviously a lot bigger all around than I used to be and my boobs are like Really big.  I also tried a few flowy dresses at like Marshalls and they were like actual potato sacks on my body, I wish I took a photo in the changing room.  This morning I ordered another dress to try (two different sizes), and I feel a little bit better about this one.  Before I had B, I bought a dress at Jcrew a size bigger than I would normally wear there because it was on clearance and this morning it actually kind of fit.  The shift style is very forgiving, so this is great that I have something to fall back on – will still need industrial strength Spanx though to hold in a belly.  Will also need to keep on with the T25, 30 day shred, and stroller walks.  I feel like such a middle aged / soccer mom lady doing these “workouts”, but whatever it helps me feel better about myself.  It truly does make me feel a LOT better like mentally and physically. I was such a disaster after having little H, that at this point the fact that I haven’t almost checked myself into a mental hospital is a victory.  I’m listening to Serial in these pics.  Everything I do is multi-tasked!

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4 Weeks postpartum and down a little more than half the weight I gained.  Still in maternity pants though, big time.  I can’t even get into how horrible my stomach looks though, it’s going to be a lifetime of one-piece swim suits from now on.  I mean, they can be gorgeous one pieces, but they will still be covering the shrunken and weird looking stretch marks that my HUGE baby blessed me with.  Oh well, all I can do is rub Bio Oil on them a lot and hope that they fade with time.

Anyhow, so 3 more weeks till my brother’s wedding.  My only goal is to be able to wear a dress, any dress, and not feel or look like an overstuffed sausage.  The boys will be wearing bow ties!!

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WANTED: Live in night time nanny to 1 CRAZY toddler

Baby B is still really gassy, but the past 2 nights he has been sleeping better so it seems like the gas is bothering him less.  I switched from the Enfamil Newborn formula they started him on at Mass General to Earth’s Best Organic Sensitivity to supplement.  I’m not sure that the formula was really an issue since I don’t supplement every day, only as needed… like 2 ounces every other day or something in that moment where he’s obviously hungry and mad but has cluster fed me to death.  On Friday, B took 1 ounce of the new formula and Monday he took a full 2 ounces (both with Dr. Brown’s preemie sized nipples).  I did no formula research at all.. and now I find myself getting sucked into the deep rabbit hole that is debate about which formula is best.  I don’t know… I know that he was gassy before with lots of discomfort, and now seems less gassy with less discomfort and he seems to like the flavor more (but warning: this is like the foamiest/bubbliest mix I’ve ever seen).  I don’t care to spend hours analyzing what is in each and every formula especially since he’s only consuming a small amount, and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that every formula is different with every baby.  You could seriously waste days of your life comparing and contrasting all the formulas out there.  Sure, I could have called my doctor and asked for a recommendation but I was happy enough with the one that we ended up with.  I will call and discuss if this one causes problems down the road.

At night, I went back to the velcro swaddle since he didn’t object when I put him in there on Sunday and he slept as expected: up almost every 1.5-2 hours.  Another thing that I changed was that I am now using Pampers Baby Dry diapers just at night (they claim 12 hour protection), and will change it half way through the night if I smell a poop.  This is instead of changing his diaper like 2-3 times during the night, which I felt was just too disruptive at this age and really a little pee isn’t a big deal.

So the baby issues seem to be somewhat under control but the toddler issues are beyond out of control at this point!

H hasn’t been sleeping well, it’s very inconsistent and it started well before B was born – maybe like 1.5 months ago he started to really regress.  Sometimes he gets put down and goes right to sleep, but like 5 out of 7 nights he goes down crying and screaming.  To make things worse, he’ll wake at 3am and then cry and scream bloody murder for at least an hour but usually more.  This is a problem because Abe is on toddler duty while I am on baby duty, and so he’s completely lost his mind dealing with this crazy kid and then getting up to get ready for work at 6am.  I think that this is separation anxiety along with just being a toddler and so so stubborn.  What I don’t know is how to fix it, I feel like a broken record on this topic.  We have tried most everything and nothing has really helped, if he sleeps through the night it’s pure luck and we practically throw a party the next day.

harrison building castle

Building a castle and doing yoga

There was a time when I thought that toddler-hood really suited H well, and now suddenly I’m feeling like: WTF happened to my sweet and funny little boy??  He uses the F word and tells me about biting his friends at school and tells me to do things and get him juice, etc. etc. Just WHY!?  If this is what he’s like as a toddler, what does this even mean for the teenage years?  Are we doomed?  Or is this who is he now and then later he’ll become a well adjusted young man who is Harvard-bound? – that is more like my dream and less like the reality.  He hit his head twice in the past 2 days (in addition to the 45 times he’s already hit it).  Is this why people have more than 1 child?!

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Gas Solutions?

IMG_9882I’m trying to attack this gas/fussiness with baby B.  Last night was not much better than the previous two.  The only real difference is that at one point around 4am, I took him into bed with me and nursed him laying down and I got a little bit more sleep that way.  He actually slept flat on his back, and I was super uncomfortable but was laying down and not sitting in a chair.

Last night I tried the gas drops and gripe water in the evening.  Neither seemed to do anything.  Today, I got some advice on trying a new supplementing formula.  He was using Enfamil Newborn while in the NICU, so that’s what we used when he got home.  I never had any problems with him rejecting it or anything until 2 days ago when he decided suddenly that it wasn’t cool anymore.  I really have no idea if the formula is the problem or not or if he just doesn’t want a bottle anymore now that we’re in a breast feeding groove, but I’m willing to try something else.  A friend recommended Earth’s Best.  I went with the Sensitivity one since this is the whole reason for us to switch (gas and fussiness).  Also, I read somewhere that switching to a preemie sized bottle nipple will help let in less air when a baby is drinking so I picked a few up to try out.  I didn’t even know they made preemie nipples… but now I do and it’s worth a shot.  Is there anything else that I should consider??  I feel insane.

To cope with this insanity, I ventured out of the house today.  I’ve basically been shut in since B arrived home so we could try to keep him away from germs, but he’s almost a month old now so it’s time – Momma needs to get the EFF out of the house.  We went shopping and I bought two new pairs of sandals for myself (they are both really similar but I was like: WHATEVER!!  Too Tired To Care).  Nordstrom is having some kind of like “price matching” sale right now.  I never really bought new shoes after H was born 2 years ago, I just got rid of the ones that didn’t fit so shoes are always something that I need.  I also picked up a few things at Pottery Barn Kids for the boys – they are having a “buy more save more sale”.  The people at PB Kids even let me nurse in the store… weird?  Maybe, but it was really convenient and H was suddenly super hungry as I was trying to check out.  He was super well behaved at the mall for close to 3 hours, which was a major surprise to me.  I had planned on running in and out with what we needed, but since he wasn’t fussing I just stayed and walked around.  Later, we ran out to the grocery store to literally pick up like 5 items and he was Not Good.  Figures, the short errand is the one that he had a problem with.

Here’s to Friday and finding more sleep.

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When Gas Happens

My super baby isn’t so super anymore.  Two nights in a row of bad sleeping and a good amount of daytime fussing.  Yesterday, at one point I think I held him for like 4 hours straight during the day and now my back is killing me.  It seems to me like he just has a lot of uncomfortable gas because there is just an endless amount of farting going on.  Last night, he woke up a couple times just screaming so it must just like hurt in his stomach or something… I don’t know.  This morning I tried the baby gas relief drops which I bought in advance of having B just in case we needed them (totally one of those things I thew into my cart at Target without really even thinking) – like I gave him the dose, then put him down on the couch and got the Boba wrap on and in those like 2 minutes he let out plenty of gas so I guess it worked.  The drops never worked with H, or maybe he didn’t really have gas when I thought he did.  B immediately fell asleep in the wrap too once I got him in there.  Just a sidenote: i was always afraid of the Boba wrap because it seemed too complicated to try and get a baby in there quickly, but really it wasn’t that complicated and the baby seems to enjoy it.  I also have the Baby Ergo, I think they each have their own purpose.

bennett boba wrap

Passed the EFF out.

I seriously hope this is a phase.  I’m on two days in a row of like 2 hours of sleep per night.  I’m also back to the whole: do I swaddle him or not swaddle him??  Some nights he likes it and other nights he hates it.  Also – he’s sleeping in his my snug-a-bunny rocker which is slightly elevated (he wouldn’t lay flat the first night he was home so we just moved right to the napper, I suspected maybe reflux or something), but I really want get him into the co-sleeper so he can get used to laying flat before it’s too late and then his feet are hanging off the end of it like H.  H LOVED sleeping in that stupid thing, and it was really hard to get him out however it also gave him flat head so I want to try and avoid that this time around.

Any advice on there on 1. baby gas and 2. getting your baby to lay flat??  Why won’t my babies lay flat like everyone else?

I’m so tired.

Also, because little H has a ton of food allergies and had a lot of trouble when I was nursing him with bad bad eczema and reactions to food that I was consuming we are hyper sensitive to the idea that something I’m eating could cause gas in the baby.  That being said, because of H’s allergies our pantry is pretty bland.  I only consume dairy once every few days.  Every third day or so I’ll have a Greek yogurt and that’s it.  I don’t eat cheese or butter or whatever.  I have 1 cup of coffee daily brewed at home and I use vanilla almond milk.  I try to keep everything I eat to 1-2 servings so nothing is overdone (that’s how I knew H had a nut allergy, there was mega peanut butter binge).  I’m avoiding all spicy foods – one day I had a sub with hots on it and B slept like a dream that night, so I probably don’t need to but I avoid anyway.  My diet is boring and bland and just about everything has been eaten at home, so nothing crazy at a restaurant.  I may cut out dairy completely if this continues as an experiment, but I really don’t feel that it’s the contributing factor to the gas situation.  I think the biggest thing is just that B’s digestive system is trying to mature and it’s just taking some time maybe.

During this morning’s T25 workout (the cardio disk which is the hardest and bouciest), I only peed my pants like once or twice.  Look at that improvement!!  I still died.  Baby B watched me do the whole thing – it was kind of creepy.  Usually he sleeps, but this time he just like watched me jump up and down while he let out little grunts and toots.  Whatever, at least he let me finish it.  Now I’m just hoping that he lets me take a nap this afternoon!

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Potty Talk

Something big happened over here last night: H pooped in the toilet for the first time.  I think potty training is right around the corner, so next month is probably a good time to start once we get a little bit more comfortable with having both a baby and H running around.  I know that a month ago none of the kids in H’s class were potty trained, but at the moment there are 2 that are actively training (both are girls).  A fun excerpt from the moment:

H (on the toilet): “shhhh, baby’s sleeping” as he holds up a finger to his mouth
Me: “Ok…”
H: [letting out loud funny gas]
Me: “OH!” – plus horrified/surprised face
H: [dying laughing]
And then over and over again for about 10 minutes.

My mom has been coming over in the mornings so that I can bring H to school and baby B can stay home and away from daycare germs for a little longer.  This morning, I was getting H strapped into his car seat and he was like, “where’s baby B?” and I said, “he’s inside with Nana.  Nana is watching him.” and he said, “No, Nana is watching TV.”  I burst out laughing.  My mom watches TV all the time, if she is in a house the TV is on, so that statement was super accurate.  Kids notice everything!

Baby B and I set out on our first stroller walk today.  I was waiting for the car seat adapter bar for the BOB to come in (I don’t like my Uppa Baby when used outside) and for it to not be like 90 degrees outside.  This morning was perfect.  He let me walk for 35 minutes while I listened to Serial (I know I’m the last person on Earth to listen to it) before deciding to have a meltdown.  I stayed very close to the house just in case this happened.  He’s generally a good baby, but sometimes he decides to be fussy and is then fussy for a couple hours before settling back down – plus he didn’t sleep great last night.  I tried a different swaddle on him, and I don’t think he liked it the way that H did.  I feel like a zombie today, a zombie with a mega sweet tooth.  Also, the next person to bring donuts over here is dead to me – omfg, I cannot resist their deliciousness.

Bennetts first walk

In awe of the world outside of the house

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Toddler Swearing

Does your 2.5 year old use the F-word on a daily basis?  If so, then we are in the same club.  I never use the F-word in front of little H because he is a parrot, he will repeat anything you say right back at you.  Abe on the other hand uses the F-word at home very frequently, and now so does little H.  We’re trying to ignore it and hope it just disappears on its own… I don’t know if this is a viable plan, but that’s how we’re handling it so far.  I feel like if we address it, then we might run into a bigger problem where he knows it’s a bad word and then chooses to use it!  Because that’s the kind of kid that he is.  When you tell him not to do something, he will usually smile in a very creepy way and then test the boundaries around it.

Biting has made a reappearance at school.

Hitting mom continues.

Telling us to do things is new and super fun.

Time outs are starting to get real.

The strong-willed toddler who lives here runs our world – how did this happen?!  This little person is awesome in so many ways, and he’s also giving his parents a run for their money.

It all began before the arrival of baby B, so this is really just who H is.  I have to give him a lot of credit because he generally understands that the baby needs me and I can’t just run after him all of the time.  He knows that I can’t hold the two of them at the same time, so he has to wait his turn.  I thought that concept would be a lot harder for him to learn, and there has only been 1 breakdown because of it.  Things could be a lot worse, it’s just the strong-willed nature of little H that makes things hard – he is still completely hilarious.

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OK – That Workout HURT

Last night was really rough.  Baby B was fussy most of the afternoon and evening and night yesterday, and he was up like every 30-45 minutes for some reason.  The upside of that situation is that little H slept until almost 8am, which is much much better than waking at 5am and throwing us all for a loop AND he hasn’t cried yet today yet.  Double bonus.

My brain is pretty focused on caring for the baby right now, so it’s like not 100% working when it comes to other things.  This morning, I was like: GREAT idea, I should try T25 today.  Note: this is only 2 weeks postpartum.  So I opened the box that’s been sitting in the house for like 6 months, and got it all ready to go.  Baby B was napping, and I was barefoot and “ready to go”.  I was not ready to go.  Shit guys, I was Years from being Ready to Go.  Once it got started, I was tired after about 4 minutes and that’s not an exaggeration.  I haven’t worked out in um…4 years for various reasons, but mainly because I’m someone who never seems to have enough time and working out is always the first thing to go when I need to do other things.  Anyhow, about 7 minutes into it I peed my pants for the first time (of many) and was then reminded why most people wait until their 6 week post delivery checkup to resume activities… the cardio dvd is mostly jumping up and down.  I wasn’t aware that I had a controlling my pee problem, but when jumping up and down apparently I do!  Better to find that out at home.  Around 13 minutes into it, I was like: OMG when will this thing end?!  I made it through, but just barely.  I liked it though, it felt good to move around even if it was super painful – I might not be able to walk right tomorrow.  Here’s what I learned: a nursing bra is not the best thing to wear when jumping up and down with gigantic boobs, you might pee yourself if you try and work out too soon, and it’s a good idea to wear sneakers.  You’d think I’ve never worked out before or something… total rookie mistakes.

I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself to lose baby weight.  The only reason I decided to start working out so early was because my body just felt ready.  I look about 6 months pregnant at this point, it’s fine though, I’ve experienced this already so the shock of “still looking pregnant after giving birth” is not here with me.  I know what to expect here.  I’m probably going to be in my maternity clothes for another month or so and then it will be transition clothing (so larger sizes) and then maybe 6 months from now I’ll be back to where I was.  That’s what I Expect to happen, but who knows what will play out.

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Postpartum Today – 2 weeks

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The sound of two kids crying = Weeeee!

2 kids crying at the same exact time this morning:  H crying and screaming because he wants his “Peter” and to be held and comforted… and now several hours later I’m realizing it was a Computer that he wanted (I wouldn’t have given it to him anyway), and baby B crying because he’s hungry.  I survived that little tornado, and both kids bounced back pretty well.  I mean H hit me like 25 times while crying, but he eventually stopped crying and hitting on his own – probably because I was stuck under a boppy and infant and couldn’t really do much about it.  Ten minutes later, he was a happy camper again as if nothing happened.

Harrison tantrum

Meltdown. Excuse the bad haircut.

Saturday night, baby B (1.5 weeks old) slept almost through the entire night!  I woke him up at some point because I felt like he should eat, but I think he would have kept sleeping.  He cluster fed right before going down, so I think that is what did it.  Last night, he only slept well from 10:45-1:00 and then it was really a moderate fuss-fest for the rest of the night until around 5am when he went back to sleep for another hour.  And to make things even more fun the past 3 nights, H has been waking up Super early.  He normally sleeps until 7:30 but has been waking between 4-5:30am so that’s no good for anyone.  I think he has 2 molars, but maybe he is getting the others?  I have no idea.  He should have been tired from all of our family visitors over the weekend and he even napped well, so what is his deal?  I keep asking him if his mouth or teeth hurt and he keeps saying No… what else could it be?  Is this just what happens when toddlers get siblings and like how they cope with the change?

Overall, H is doing really well with the change to his life and routine.  He’s always curious as to what the baby is doing.  If the baby is crying, he’ll say “Baby crying – Harrison go check”, and he’ll run to where the baby is to take a peek at him.  In the mornings, he usually wants to go to school which is new.  A few weeks ago, I’d have to find a way to get him into the car and now he will usually ask for school.  More disturbingly, this morning he asked me to eat – like he wanted to nurse like the baby.  I guess it makes sense, but I was still like: AHHH!!  OK NO.

Baby B is a really good baby, and I say that meaning that everything about him is really good.  His belly button thing just fell off, and it looked really good and healed.  His circumcision is healing FAR and away better than H’s did.  He’d probably be so embarrassed that I was talking about his junk to the intewebs, but his body just recovers really well compared to what I’ve seen.  I’m noticing very minor eczema, but really it’s nothing compared to the really bad skin that H had as an infant.  His temperament is so mellow too, he’s totally cool to just chill and hang out or sleep or whatever.  He sometimes gets upset during a diaper change, but generally it’s once a cold wipe is introduced to his butt – and nobody would like that.  When he fusses, he’s just like minor to moderate crying that can be soothed and not like screaming in my face which is much appreciated.  When H used to sleep, he used to like loudly moan and groan every morning… it was really weird, but baby B doesn’t do that and I’ve gained so much sanity by not having to deal with that madness.

My worst nightmare was that this baby would be Worse than baby H.  He has proven that baby H was totally like a super tough baby that turned into a tough toddler, and baby B is practically an angel by comparison.  He’s my super baby and hopefully he stays that way!

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Baby #2 Has Arrived

Bennett 5.29.2015

Baby B

H’s little brother, Baby B, arrived last week on 5/26 – All 8 pounds 8 ounces of him (20.5″ long).  He’s a big boy.

I’m pretty traumatized from my labor and his birth, so I’m just going to skip all that and try to forget how really awful those 16 hours really were.  It was a complete 180 from H’s very textbook and easy peasy arrival.  That was in fact a blessing by comparison.  This time I saw 3 doctors, 4 anesthesiologists, and 5 nurses – omg the amount of people it took to help this birth happen is outrageous.  I’d hate to see the itemized bill.

Beyond my actual labor and delivery of baby B, what we didn’t expect was to have a baby with an immediate medical need.  When they put him on my chest for 2 seconds, he didn’t cry and he had poor coloring.  They took him away immediately and determined that he was having a difficult time breathing for some reason.  I didn’t see him again for hours while they evaluated the situation.  When I finally did get to see him again, this is what they brought to me:

Bennett transported from E to MGH

This was not what was expected

He was being transported to a hospital with a NICU.  The hospital I delivered at only had a Level 2 nursery.  It was both terrifying and comforting.  They didn’t know what was wrong with him, but I felt like he was in good hands.  I checked out of the hospital the next morning, so I was back on my feet much faster than I would have liked but we needed to take care of our other son who was sick at home with my parents and also go see the sick baby.

The baby improved quickly and really without any explanation as to what happened.  There was fluid in his lungs when he arrived, and it could have been an infection of some kind since he was treated with antibiotics immediately but they really aren’t sure.  Sometimes these things just happen they said.

Bennetts first selfie

Baby’s First Selfie from the NICU

Bennett coming home from hospital BW

Baby Coming Home

Since he has been home, he seems like a totally normal baby.  He eats a lot, poops a lot, and sleeps a lot.  He cries, but not like little H.  When H was a baby, he cried A LOT, like I think he was a true colic baby.  Most of the day he spent crying which really ate my soul, and this guy fusses and cries when I change his diaper but it’s overall pretty good right now.  At the moment the biggest struggle is night time because he still has his days and nights confused, but even so just in a few days he’s made great improvements – I think I actually slept a little last night, like in my bed.

I have the baby blues again, but probably only 1/3 as bad as last time.  This time I am not crying 10 x a day with the all consuming feeling of being overwhelmed and under prepared and just scared.  Right now it’s a little scary being a parent of 2 with a husband who is not around much, which is what I obsess over.  H is still attending daycare while I’m on maternity which is pretty huge, and my parents are helping when they can.  Physically, I feel like 200% better than I did after having baby H.  I like could barely even function for a long time and at my 6 week postpartum appointment, I was still feeling not even close to healed.  This time, maybe because I was forced to get up and moving again, I’ve been recovering faster.  I mean, I was in a world of pain for 4 days mainly with strained muscles in my back and arms but after that I was basically on a really good path.

Someone told me you do things differently with a second baby.  So far, I think that the biggest thing that’s changed is my fear of the baby.  I was just so scared of taking care of another human being before.  Also, I’m not afraid to solve problems.  Today I ordered a changing table for the family room because my aching back cannot change diapers on the floor anymore – it will seriously give out if I do this through another baby.  Amazon order – problem solved.  I don’t care that this is probably my last baby, I am not leaning over like that 15 x a day anymore.  I was also afraid of using formula the first time when I needed to supplement, this time not so much.  I’ve been supplementing daily as needed, and it’s a really small amount so I don’t know what I was worried about before.  Making life easier at this point is really important, naps are also important.

Baby B, let’s try to have a nice summer together… let’s try not to drive mom insane.

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