Imagine this – a toddler laying on the floor having his diaper changed by his dad, and you look down and notice there is a poop sitting on the ground. An actual poop. AHH! Burn everything in the house! Run Away! But really, that is the kind of stuff that happens in my house. We are happy to give really insightful parenting classes. We might as well open one of those like parenting hubs, we’ll call it “How To Do Things Almost The Right Way” or “How To Just Barely Keep Your Kids Alive” or “Just Getting By”.
Yesterday, little H took a header off the couch – Yet Again. He was driving around one of his little bulldozers or something on the couch and the cushion was hanging off the edge more than it should have been so he got near the edge and then fell right off and landed on his mouth. Like his face hit the hardwood floor directly and I was shocked that all of his teeth were intact. I wasn’t too far from him but I was holding the baby so I couldn’t do anything but watch it happen. He hits something on his head/face like once a week. In fact, he still has a bruise on his forehead from hitting his head on a bar stool in the kitchen last week. Double parenting fail.
The other night, I was in the bedroom at like 11:30pm trying to get baby B to become sleepy so I could get some effing sleep. He was laying on the boppy and then suddenly out of nowhere, he projectile vomited – like a fountain straight up several inches and then right back down all over him, the boppy, and me. I had to peel off my clothes to change while vomit dripped off of me. I haven’t had time to wash that boppy cover yet…
It’s been 3 nights in a row of bedtime past 12:00am for baby B. That’s like so late for me. last week he was going to bed for the night before 11pm which is much more reasonable. I want to die, and he’s really a good baby but he’s really not yet learned that mom likes to sleep at night. Sometimes when I’m sitting there with him and he’s like either nursing or not sleeping on me or groaning with gas pain, I escape for a moment and remember what it’s like to sleep in a bed horizontally with a pillow and a blanket and a spouse and with the lights totally off. When I’m not half asleep, I think about vacations to all inclusive resorts and drinks garnished with umbrellas. I’m just kidding, I really just think about a car with a trunk big enough to handle a stroller and groceries at the same time.